Sometimes it’s during times of crisis that we are reminded of what we need just to survive and function. This is a personal story about that. With wildfires becoming increasingly common in BC, it will be a familiar story to many.
During the 2024 Wildfire Complex in the Slocan Valley, I was living next to a mountain on fire, for four weeks. I canceled my summer vacation plans to focus on fire mitigation chores on the rural property where I live. Being just outside the evacuation zone, there were no fire fighters here, though there were on neighbouring properties. On many days the wind was carrying sparks from the fire on the mountain and there was imminent danger of fires starting at home. When I saw fire fighters weed-whacking tall dry weeds, I did that too. Seeing them move propane tanks and piles of wood, we did that too. Constantly moving hoses and sprinklers, keeping large containers of water filled and spread out across the property in case a spot fire ignited. Obsessively reading the Regional District updates on evacuation orders and emergency responders. Going through lists of instructions from various fire departments, learning everything we could do to be fire smart and evacuation ready.
We couldn’t go to our grocery store because the entire town was evacuated. We couldn’t go to the dog beach. Things we usually took for granted. The car was full of everything I would bring if evacuated. For four weeks. I was up multiple times per night to see if the fire was coming any closer. With the whole town and many of my rural neighbours gone, I felt isolated. There were more fire fighters, emergency responders and government officials around than anyone else. So it goes without saying that it was a time of heightened emotion and intense stress.
As a mental health professional who’s own PTSD and Major Depression Disorder had officially been in remission for years, I was aware that stressful life events can trigger relapse in mental illness, and was terrified to realize that if I didn’t take extraordinary measures I could find myself disabled again. I wondered how I could calm my nervous system while at the same time remaining alert and ready. I wasn’t able to spend much time inside because I had to watch for fires. What kind of self-care could I do at the same time?
And I knew – I could practice music. There was a song in my head the whole time. I could learn it on my guitar, sitting outside on the bench, watching for sparks, between the fire-readiness chores.
And it worked. I was able to calm whole nervous system down by focusing on learning a new song, practicing it every day. During an incredibly stressful time, I was able to feel the pleasure and pride of learning and achievement. I could play the song better and better. And it was my theme song during that moment in time.
Eventually the fires were declared under control, the evacuation orders rescinded and everyone came home; the towns of New Denver, Silverton and Slocan, and the rural neighbours. This was very emotional too, and I made a quick sign to put on the highway to welcome everyone home. There were many vehicles honking as they drove past. And I kept practicing my theme song on my guitar.
I felt compelled to practice more and more music, to continue to calm myself over the weeks. I wanted to return to an instrument I’d started decades ago in grade 7, the clarinet. I found a used one that I could afford, and was relieved to find I could remember a few basics. I found lots of lessons available on Youtube. And a week later, I learned that the Slocan Valley Community Band was welcoming new members of all levels, even beginners – and remembered how isolated I felt while the fires were raging. I decided to join Band to be connected to community in a light hearted way, and to be more motivated to practice the instrument.
Band became the highlight of my week, with even more laughter and silliness than I had imagined. And considering that everyone in the Community Band were impacted by the wild fires in some way, we all have that and so much more in common. Playing music with other people also contributed to my brain’s health after acute stress.
Research shows that if someone who has experienced trauma can find meaning in the experience after the event, this contributes to Post Traumatic Growth and increased resiliency. So the person is even stronger than they were before the incident! I find it meaningful that the terror I experienced while living next to a wildfire brought me back to a daily music practice, reunited me with an instrument of my childhood, and gave a new weekly routine that includes being surrounded by amazing music, instruments, musicians of all ages, and ridiculous humour.
This is a vulnerable story to share, but might encourage others to find their own ways to find a way through stressful life events and discover meaning and joy throughout, and on the other side.
And the song that I practiced diligently on my guitar while watching for sparks flying? I can’t leave that out, can I? My wildfire theme song was “This is Me Trying” by Taylor Swift.
For more information on the research of the positive impacts of playing an instrument on brain health, check out this article: Playing an Instrument: Better for Your Brain than Just Listening – Penn Medicine